For me, there is a time before art and a time after art. Before art, I felt too exhausted and tired and without energy.. I forced myself through my life and tried to fulfill all duties and what was expected and was focused on a career and on earning money. I went my way (education, studies, jobs, self-employment, volunteering) without myself and it seems to be not my way. I developed a big sadness and one of the reasons was that I worked without a real break (when there was a break it was pressured activity too or sleeping, no real hobby) and for a future without living in the moment, in the HERE and NOW. I no longer had the joy of life, although I was physically healthy and never suffered great catastrophes (defeats). At some point I gave in to fatigue, because I knew neither where I should find support nor why I should value my life. I slept a lot and thought I only had to sleep enough, then it will leave and I get energy again. But energy did not came back but sleeping has given me some kind of real new comfort. To give up and make a real big break and let go the pressure did something good in me and with me. To be not what is expected was a very interesting experience and I felt definitely that I miss myself and that I don´t miss my former life (state). I also experienced new fears which come with such a shift. Regress and not functioning are really not welcomed in a society like ours… My symptoms were most likely to go with depression. Too much sleep is also a form of sleep disorder and on the one hand I like the diagnosis of depression, because it is helpful to give your suffer a name and it counts officially as a disease. It gives your misery a description and is generally accepted as a sufferin, as an illness, (I don´t like the word disorder) as a phenomenon which is not based on laziness or craziness. Depression can be such a big question for people who are not informed and is well known at doctors or psychologists. And society in general is nor really prepared for it! The society seems not to realize that such a “disorder” has reasons and I definitely feel that the repair only lays on the side of the patient. The patient has to get empowered and learns how to strengthen up and the patterns in society remain as they are without really being questioned. Many people complain, complain and criticize society without pointing out the links between the things and my art is a space where I really sit out the problems as long as they are not solved, because I am convinced that depression is a phenomenon that has so much to do with our way of life, our way to live and our “Too lots” and “Too less”, our lacks and mistakes. A diagnosis with depression gives my struggle and suffering a name but also pushs me into a stigma which labels me as a depressive, weak woman, who is not able to make her living without these struggles and is not strong enough and whose struggles are self-taught or self-made, which it is definitely NOT.